Recapture the positivity

I've been a bit grumpy the past 36 hours (since Monday afternoon). The kind of grumpy where I want to hide behind a book and ignore the world. A state where I get angry way too quickly and irritated at the littlest things. I don't like it when I get like this.

When I realized how grumpy I'm being, I tried a little self talk to convince myself that I have to enjoy each day and live positively. Although I preach that (maybe a bit too much), I know from firsthand experience that doesn't always work. As humans, we do experience a myriad of emotions, sometimes without logical rhyme or reason.

I'm a rollercoaster of emotions and I've gone into a hunker down phase. Perhaps it was a good thing I spent numerous hours at the hospital yesterday by myself. I encountered few delays for the first two procedures (blood draw and ECG) so I had a couple of hours to kill before the CT scan of my chest, abdomen and pelvis. I couldn't eat or drink during those hours, so I planted my butt in a chair in one of the surgical waiting rooms and read my book.

But the alone time I need as an natural introvert didn't recharge my batteries and make me ready to face the world as it usually does. Maybe it was the hospital environment, because I'm still grumpy and withdrawn.

Maybe I'm worried about the results of the tests, the side effects of the upcoming clinical trail and living up to expectations (mostly my own) when I go back to work. I think I'm also putting pressure on myself to eat right (went well for a few days) and exercise consistently (four days last week, no days yet this week). I'm also charged with finding a house in Florida for a March Break vacation with my in-laws. The house I wanted isn't available now, so I'm starting almost at square one with the research. It makes me tired.

That's another thing, I was really tired after all my appointments yesterday - even though I sat around most of the time. So now I question what I am really capable of at this point.

While I can't always be positive - and honestly, what human can - I have to shake this negativity and turn my mind around. For me, it's okay to be grumpy for a day or two, but I can't make it a habit. I don't want to consistently live like this. Today, I'm reminding myself that I AM strong and capable. I can accomplish a lot and it's okay to take rests.

My goal for this morning, is to recapture the positivity. I'll let you know tomorrow if I was successful.

Tina