It's only hair

Right on schedule, my hair vacated my scalp in clumps in the shower yesterday morning. I knew it was coming. I'd been shedding like our golden lab on a hot summer's day, leaving my shoulders, the bathroom sink and the tub covered in little AWOL hairs. And over the weekend, I could grasp chunks of hair and pull them out easily, with no pain or tugging.

Rather than sport very thin hair that left little souvenirs of itself everywhere I went, I decided to shave it off. Tara wielded the clippers and gleefully buzzed what was left of my hair last night. Unlike last time, I've decided not to shave it, but instead have a bristly brush cut, with small bald patches. Sounds lovely, no?

I'm surprised at the dark colour of the remaining hair. The last time I had a brush-cut was when the hair was growing back after all my treatments. It came back in white. So this almost-black hair seems foreign. Don't get me wrong, I like it a lot better than white, but it makes the bald patches stand out a little more.

Last night after the shaving, I dug around in my closet for my trusty ball caps. It's back to wearing them when I venture out in the world. Once again, I'll have to get used to the stares and the double takes of strangers. While I'll become immune to them, I'm not looking forward to the Oh, you have cancer reactions. These responses can range from pity to sympathy to discomfort to avoidance. I sometimes get the impression some people think they can catch cancer by being close to someone who has it. Get real.

But, I won't be alone in drawing surprised stares. My wonderful husband, in support of my fight with cancer and my baldness, got a mohawk on the weekend. He's uses spiking gel to colour it teal - the colour of the ovarian cancer ribbon. Once the dye arrives in the store, our friend is going to use semi-permanent colour on it so it remains teal for about six weeks.

He gets double takes, and fields strange and insensitive comments, but he doesn't care. He's doing it out of love for me. What a great guy. I think his hair will draw the attention away from the lack of mine.

Our friend Pete also went bald again on Saturday night in support of my fight. He sported a bald pate during my entire treatment last year and I think he was eagerly anticipating doing it again. Of course, he looks good bald. There's no doubt, it's easier.

I'm not as devastated this time about the hair loss. I know it comes back - and it came back thicker and nicer than before. But it bothers me when I lose my eyebrows and eyelashes. However, the whole hair-loss experience isn't a surprise this time. I know what to expect. I know how to use make up to artfully create the illusion of the missing facial hair. Most importantly, I know it comes back.

Until then, I'll sunscreen my head, sport my hats and scarves, and save a small fortune on shampoo.

Your (almost) bald friend,
Tina