A witchy transformation

I don't know if it's the steroids or the chemotherapy drugs themselves, but my personality transformed over the weekend. I turned into a witch, with a great big, capital B.

I'd forgotten about this nasty little side effect of the treatment. I remembered the deep, dark depression. I remembered the bone pain. I remembered the skunky mouth taste and the withdrawal from life. But I failed to remember my metamorphisis. Maybe that's because I really don't like the person I become.

I guess it started on Saturday morning. I thought I was being direct and succinct with sales people. Michael enlightened me, explaining I was terse and curt. I felt my time was precious and people were too slow for my liking. Therefore, I thought I'd speed them along with a very clear idea of my expectations. Apparently, I was a little too direct.

Oh, and my patience tolererance is WAY down. Every little thing - spilling milk on the floor, one too many interruption, one misplaced comment - and I'm breathing fire (mostly internally, but sometimes it tumbles out my ears, nose and mouth at the fairly innocent bystanders). Although, that woman who wouldn't get out of the way at Costco yesterday afternoon would have deserved to hear my verbal blast for failing to move. Get out of the way!

Occassionally, I'll go from being this demon woman into a teary by-product of myself. I think it's because I so hate the nasty chick occupying my body right now. I hate how I treat my very supportive family when I'm like this. Luckily, Michael understands, and I think he tried to explain my strange behaviour to the kids last night. Regardless of how grumpy, nasty, impatient and witchy I become, he understands, our relationship is rock solid and we'll get thorough this together.

Luckily, I think it only lasts a few days - unless of course, the Olaparib is contributing to the problem.

On a side note, besides extreme restlessness, an inability to sleep properly, excessive peeing to expel the chemicals (and maybe some ascities), a lack of appetite, nausea, heartburn and a little stomach pain - and of course the nasty personality change - I've yet to experience the other chemo side effects. I'm mentally preparing for them to arrive today.

But of course, they're all worth it if it means I get to live. Die cancer die!

Your ill-tempered friend,
Tina