As most people know, I have a hard time sitting still and letting others do everything (or anything). It makes me feel guilty and dependent. So day by day, as I felt better, I was doing more and more. I wasn't doing anything stupid. I didn't lift heavy things. I didn't vacuum. But I probably did more than I should.
Yesterday, I had a bit of a scare, which is prompting me to rest more. I started bleeding from my vagina. While bleeding is common with a hysterectomy, it scared me because I hadn't bled at all up until yesterday morning. I figured they'd vacuumed (the official medical term, I'm sure) me out really well after the surgery.
I called my doctor's office and after consultation with a nurse, the secretary asked me to come in to see my oncologist as soon as possible. That scared me even more for if it were common, they could have reassured me over the phone.
But Dr. P examined me and declared the bleeding was due to a pool of blood that collected at the top of the vagina and made its way down. Whew! Of course, the internal and manual examinations were uncomfortable and now I'm more sore than I was before this incident.
To top it off, I got my staples out yesterday. While I'm now more comfortable because my clothes don't rub against the staples (that my body was also rejecting) any more, the incision site is tender.
So I feel like I've gone backwards in the recovery department because I'm experiencing more discomfort - not pain exactly, thanks to my extra strength Tylenol - than before.
But I think it was a wake up call to me to relax and recover. A message that I don't have to be superwoman, I don't have to recover as quickly as I was trying to and I can let others help me. So as hard as it is, I sit in my chair and ask for help.
I have to remind myself, I'm not a burden, just a woman with cancer who is recovering from invasive abdominal surgery. Of course, I'll have the added side effects of chemotherapy after Friday. But lots of people love me and want to help. I just have to let them.
Tina
Glad to hear that you're trying to rest. It was lovely to visit with you and Michael on Sunday. I can see how much he loves you and wants to help you recover. I was thrilled to read your news from yesterday... awesome! It just puts the final stamp on the success of your surgery. Big hug :-)
ReplyDeleteYes...you have to take rest. I am glad you are realizing this. Sorry it took a bit of a shock to do it..and I think that's what someone like you and I need. We have to stop in our tracks and then go..."oh....I guess I am overdoing it!".
ReplyDeleteIn my own journey, I realized that it was okay to ask for help and though it made me feel vulnerable and "reliant" on others, I wonder if it was really my ego that was the real culprit!
Rest up....as Friday is a big day for you. Hang in there...you will heal...not on your time..but on God's time!
Love you
Rachna