Tuesday, June 16, 2009

T-1

The conclusion of the countdown is on. It's T-1 (that's T minus one) to surgery day.

This morning, Michael and I are working our way through the list - get groceries, mow the lawn, do laundry, pack for the hospital, pay the bills, etc. Luckily, we're both home and working together as a team, as usual. It also means we can provide emotional support for each other.

On the weekend during our mini vacation (which was awesome), we didn't really think about the surgery. We focused on having fun, not on the difficulties to come. That period of denial is over, and we have to prepare physically and emotionally for the weeks to come.

Michael's stress is manifesting itself in frustration with the kids. Noah can be difficult at the best of times, but his challenging behaviour ignited Michael's fuse much earlier this morning. I explained to Noah that mom and dad are nervous about the surgery, and how I felt he was old enough to understand and adapt his behaviour appropriately. I know that's asking a lot of an 11-year-old boy with bipolar disorder, but if we never test whether he's mature enough to turn his empathy into action, we'll never know. He may pleasantly surprise us.

Personally, I haven't thought about the surgery much - yet. I will review the preadmission information and pack my bag for the hospital today, which is when, I figure, the reality of the situation will hit home. (That and when I can't have any coffee or breakfast tomorrow morning! Nothing to eat or drink past midnight.)

To prepare, I have to remove my nail polish so the nurses can use the nail beds to ensure my extremities are getting enough oxygen. I need to take off and store all my jewelry. I must pack activities for in the hospital to make it easier to take my mind off the pain. Michael is kindly adding a new playlist to my iPod with relaxing, get better music, which is replacing my running music, for now. I think I'll also be able to bring my computer to the hospital and access the Internet, so I may be able to blog from the hopsital.

The unknown of the entire situation is the most disconcerting and stressful for me. How long will I be in the hospital? How will I feel when I wake up? Will I recover quickly? How will the kids respond to seeing me in the hospital? (Is that when the illness will hit home for them?). Will Michael cope okay?

The biggest - and scariest - unknown is what will the surgery reveal? I'm terrified the surgeon will announce the cancer is more widespread than he thought and that the surgery didn't go well.

I'm trying to be positive. I want to envision him saying to my family in the waiting room, "The surgery went well. We got all visible traces of the cancer and the subsequent chemotherapy should take care of the rest." That's what I want to hear.

So please keep me in your thoughts and prayers tomorrow. Envision the positive outcome and pray it comes true.

Your nervous friend,
Tina

6 comments:

  1. Hello Mrs Bratscher,

    Great to hear you had a fabulous time on your mini get away.. I'm sure all of you had a blast.
    Sooo...T-1 and counting...hmmmm,,, what does a person say to that? How about, yes you'll be nervous, yes you will be a little afraid, yes, there will be pain, sometimes a lot of it, then there will be the recovery, it'll be hard to get up, it'll be hard to walk even to the bathroom, then one day you'll walk to the end of the block, next, it'll be around the block, then you'll have a few treatments of chemo to where you'll have to walk through the hospital, then one day you'll notice you can stand up straight again and the pain isn't so severe,,, from there it's all downhill, things become easier, life will get back to normal and before you know it, you'll be making Mikey Michelina's in the microwave for supper and life will be ok again...!!!
    My girl, you will be fine, you will be playing again in no time. This is just the crap you have to go through before all that happens again. It's just life Tina,,, it's something you have to experience on your own, no one will know exactly how you feel, it's YOUR experience.. it's your journey... and even though we can't do much more than stand on the sidelines and watch your journey, believe that we will be there for you at every corner, every turn in the road, every hill and every obstacle.
    You know me, you know I only pray on my terms, but believe me when I say that at 12:30 tomorrow afternoon, I will be praying for the surgeon to look inside you and say 'oh, this is nothing, we can treat this easily'
    I love you, I'm pulling for you my girl. Have a wonderful last day and EAT TILL YOUR BELLY HURTS!!
    XOXO

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  2. Tina, I'll be thinking of you tomorrow, hoping your surgery goes well.

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  3. Hello sweet girl!! Sounds like you are ready, emotionally and physically for this surgery. Time to focus on the spiritual...and it appears you have done a great service to yourself in learning some wonderful meditation techniques.

    I went to a Sweat Lodge this past weekend and prayed to give you strength for your surgery and for the doctors to persevere until all of the cancer is removed...I asked that all your cancer be eradicated and placed where it harms no one. I hope this gives you some comfort in knowing all around you and sending you positive prayers and support.

    Focus on the positive and some type of positive imagery - perhaps a trip you and Michael took somewhere warm where the sunsets were so amazing?

    I can't wait to see you, girlfriend. I am counting down the days.

    I love you with all my heart...and will be in an airplane at the time of your surgery sending you many prayers and positive vibes throughout my journey "out east".

    Your BGFARFU (sounds like a sneeze, I know...but it stands for "Best Girlfriend And Roommate From University")... :-)

    Rachna

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  4. Good luck, Tina! I know you will get through this! I’m thinking of you. Love you.

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  5. Hi Tina,

    I'll be thinking of you, praying for you, and sending you tons of positive vibes! I believe this surgery will be one giant step towards your full recovery! Take care Tina! Christine W.

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  6. Tina,
    You will do amazing tomorrow. Just think... it's one big step towards kicking CANCER'S BUTT! I'll be sending all my positive waves your way!!
    Love ya lots!
    Michelle

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