Whoa!

It's over six inches long and contains 29 shiny, silver staples. The edges sport a yellow/purple hue and it's starting to itch.

I worked up the nerve on Sunday to look at my incision site. I knew it was big. I knew it had lots of staples in it (my probing fingers shockingly discovered those during one of my showers in the hospital). I figured it had to be pretty darn ugly because every time I asked Michael about it, he changed the subject.

When I finally peeked at my new abdomen, it somehow wasn't as bad as I expected. I don't know why, but I anticipated black stitches sticking out and a jagged incision site - not rational considering surgeons use super-sharp scalpels and I was told in advance they'd close me up with staples because they're stronger.

During preadmission, the nurse optimistically told me, Dr. P would only cut from the belly button down. Ha! Good thing I didn't really expect that rosy outcome to my story because the incision starts approximately two inches above my belly button. In fact, it's now difficult to locate my belly button because I think the cut bisects the poor little divot.

Yes, I really measured the incision this morning, lying on my bed. The six inches doesn't really account for my abdomen's hills and valleys, but it's close. Considering its entire length is only about nine inches, the new landscaping takes up a good deal of the terrain.

Now that I've gotten over the shock of my new body, I'm not embarrassed to show other people. Hospitals are great for eliminating all sense of modesty and negative body image - at least for a while. I'm sure I'll get it back in time.

Noah and Tara both saw it and I think it helped Noah realize I don't ask for help because I want it, but because I need it.

Bending over is painful, laying down in bed requires a series of precisely coordinated movements, and a pillow pressed against my abdomen decreases the pain of coughing, sneezing and laughing.

But I stand upright, I can sit on gingerly sit on my couch and I think I'm going to attempt a small walk around my neighbourhood today. That is, if I can find clothes that don't hurt.

Envision a beautiful summer afternoon and Tina, in all her bald glory, is sitting in the shade of her backyard in just a loose, short nightgown. But I do, what I have to do. I'll see if any of my clothes agree with me today.

I may be cut and covered in staples, and I definitely will be scarred for life, but as I keep saying - it's better than the alternative.

Happy Tuesday.
Tina